Shush south park8/3/2023 ![]() ![]() ![]() Just thinking about it was making Cartman rot from the inside out, he could feel it in his tightening chest and in his dancing stomach. He would spread his Jew germs all over Cartman’s lips. It would be so gross, disgusting, honestly awful. If Kyle ever tried to kiss him… Cartman shuddered at the thought. For a split second, for some reason, his mind wandered to Kyle. “What would you do if some boy kissed you– Ew! God, this quiz is so gay.” He angrily mumbled to himself. I’d start calling them names and making fun of them. “#5 if you saw two men kissing, how would you react?” Cartman scoffed. He quickly moved on to the next question. What kind of company do you prefer? Ugh, duh, men of course. “Stupid fucking quiz… plushies aren’t gendered! Clyde Frog wasn’t a fucking girl’s toy!”Ĭartman grew silent for a moment, remembering his fallen plushie. Cartman immediately bristled, face flaring red, “Wh– Oh fuck you! Those aren’t girl toys! Stupid gay ass quiz!” In a hurry, he selected the option that read “Never” while seething at his computer screen. “Okay #3… Did you play with toys for girls when you were a child?” Underneath the question, sat a picture with an assortment of dolls and plushies gathered around a tea table. ![]() Who the hell would even do that?” Cartman snickered, and then smiled with delight when he spotted the perfect answer, “Oh perfect.” He selected A. ![]() “How would you react if your best friend confessed their love to you…? Psh… laaaame. Question #1 read, “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”Ĭartman scoffed, “Hell no, that’s for sappy sad faggots like Stan.” He immediately clicked B. Cartman smirked, clicking on one of the quizzes. After all, if someone found out they were gay from some gay ass quiz, it was probably because they were acting gay. Maybe if he took one of the quizzes, he’d be able to find out which answers indicated someone was gay. He continued to scroll downward, but as an idea popped into his mind, he paused. He started simple, typing into google, “How to act gay?” The first results were various different quizzes, all boiling down to the question “Am I gay?”Ĭartman rolled his eyes, “Buttfucking fags can’t even tell their own sexuality… how is this supposed to help me?” He also needed to wait for the Tweek and Craig situation to calm down a bit so that he’d be able to have his own spotlight moment- but not long enough for giving gay people money to become irrelevant. So, after coming up with his brilliant plan, he spent the next week researching. Finally, after a grueling four years… he would get ten million dollars.Ĭartman needed time to prepare. Teachers, students, the weird Asian chicks, people’s parents… Tweek and Craig were getting paid for doing literally nothing– one of Cartman’s lifelong dreams. And it wasn’t just PC Principal- everyone was giving the two gaylords money. Garrison bitterly mumble about never getting paid for liking dick, but he paid it no mind. In the background, he distantly heard Mr. In awe, he watched as PC Principal handed Tweek and Craig an astounding $50 just for sitting there and being gay. After so long… after tireless years of nearly giving up on ten million dollars, he finally had the golden ticket. If Shakey’s Pizza didn’t succeed, what would?īut now… now he had a chance once again. He was certain if the idea was given the chance it would’ve been the one. But he was still severely hurt over Shakey’s Pizza. The closest would probably be when he ran his own church. Okay… maybe Shakey’s Pizza wasn’t the closest he got. Of course, Kyle told him it was his “karma” for using the stem cells for his own profit rather than to save Kenny’s life, but that was just stupid. How was he supposed to run his business from the hospital bed? Within the few days he was gone, it all fell apart. He was so close that one time– when he started his own Shakey’s Pizza with stem cells, but of course it rapidly plummeted once Kyle beat him up for being “an insensitive asshole.” Think of what he could’ve been if one of his ventures succeeded. Sometimes, he would think about it in passing. He fondly remembered his conquests of grandeur in the fourth grade. It had been long since Cartman last dreamed of obtaining ten million dollars. ![]()
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